Easy Complications

I flicked through the channels as I attempted to stifle my boredom. Although it was a fine summer day, my body felt heavy. What? It’s not like I have anything else to do for the day. My bed looks fine as it is. Okay, maybe I need to have it laundered because of some ink stains from that time I accidentally spilled calligraphy ink on the sheets but I never bothered to clean it up because I was too entertained with the pretty words I was writing down. At least my small apartment… no wait. Maybe I should have the fridge cleaned too. And when was the last time I cleaned up the bathroom? I could have sworn I saw dust bunnies on the corners of the bedroom, but they were probably my imagination, right?

As I debated on the pros and cons of getting up from my comfortable position on the couch, I heard a tune being played on TV. I shifted my eyes to the screen and almost gagged at the amount of bright colors that must have taken barely any effort to consider. The music sounded familiar, as if I had heard it from those YouTube videos I was watching during finals week, when I took…short breaks (two hours IS a short break, right?)

Oh, right! It’s one of those freaky ads I really don’t pay attention to because I skip them as soon as I see the video I’ve been watching slowly fade out into those commercials I cannot tolerate for more than 5 seconds. Hell, not even 5 seconds makes me frustrated enough to drum my fingers against the desk full of reviewers which I supposedly tried to read… never mind that. I passed the semester.

“Are you in need of help?”

I rolled my eyes and groaned loudly. My stomach growled, as if it was also complaining about how boring the commercial would probably be.

“Or perhaps some device to help you make your life easier?”

I stopped and faced the television.

“Guaranteed one of the highest rated products in the world, a Plumbus will aid many things in your life! Cleaning, cooking, you name it! For only xx dollars, you can get your own Plumbus with free shipping!”

My ears perked up at the sound of free shipping.

What? It isn’t like everyone will give the guarantee of free shipping nowadays.

I picked up the phone and called for an order.

***

The package came in three days later. The truck wasn’t hard to miss, with its hot pink body with the photo of the product plastered on the side of the vehicle. The deliveryman? Well, he managed to get away from all the colorful uniforms, as he came out of the truck in a black long-sleeved shirt and black jeans. I went down, not giving much of a fuss about my face (because really, I don’t think I’ll see the guy again, right?). The deliveryman must have hated his day, because he grumbled something about perky teenagers and hormones or something like that. Well no matter! I’m paying for this product, and I’m getting it to get the apartment fixed. Yes, I know it would have been cheaper to have it done, but it does pay to try out new things, right?

Wrong.

As soon as I sat down on the table (after I washed up, of course!), I opened the package and saw the product. My first thought was how accurate this… Plumbus was with the commercial presentation of it. I wondered what it was for, but ignored it as I spotted a manual that came along with the package. It did seem awfully thin for a manual. But less reading for me…right?

***

I rubbed my hands together and took a close look at the other tools that came in with the Plumbus. It said that it’s great with kitchens, so I decided to experiment with that function. There were a couple of things that came in the manual, but I skimmed it over, saving the reading and understanding part for later. Since a demonstration of the Plumbus involved the use of eggs, I decided to try to do the same, except maybe with some bacon too. I saw some weird tentacle-shaped parts on the Plumbus, so I turned it over such that the part served as the stand. I cracked some eggs and placed it on the flat surface of the Plumbus, expecting it to warm up immediately.

It didn’t.

Scratching my head, I looked at it closely. There didn’t seem to be any switch, neither did it come with a charging dock or something of that sort. I poked at its edges, expecting it to be hot to the touch, but there didn’t seem to be a reaction to it. Sighing, I decided to clean up the product. Maybe it needed to have a precursor to it, or something along those lines. As I picked it up, however, I yelped. The tentacle parts were hot to the touch, and I ended up dropping it. I quickly got a dish rag and carefully picked it up, relieved when I saw that there did not seem to be any problems.

If I recalled correctly, I could also use it to clean bathrooms. But the thought of cooking with it after cleaning up the toilet made me a little queasy. I tried to think of other ways to make use of it, but I eventually gave up on it because I did not want to use my brain cells for the sake of some product. It was supposed to be easy to use, right? I took a quick glance at the Plumbus manual, which seemed to be giving me glares. Sighing, I picked up the manual and started reading.

Plumbus is not alive, but DO talk to Plumbus for CO2

Wait, what? I read further, swallowing down my nervousness.

Pressing Plumbus against sensory organs will result in sickness or death

Exposing Plumbus to atmospheres greater than 8% Branzine not recommended.

Plumbus may cause emotional disconnect from duties

I tore my eyes away from the manual, looking at the Plumbus with cautiousness. What in the world was this? Covering the Plumbus with a dishcloth, I made my way to my laptop and did an elaborate search of where the Plumbus came from, and was distraught upon realizing that this was a product from something intergalactic, but I didn’t bother to read on it, because I immediately looked for the package that the product came with.

Better to just clean up on my own than get involved with something astronomical. Wouldn’t want to complicate my life any more than that!

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