Forty Days of Reflection

At the start of the term, my anthropology professor gave us one unexpected project that we needed to accomplish by the end of the term: Write a 40 day journal and reflect on it. At first, I dreaded at the thought of having to write a journal consistently, as it had been a while since I last wrote on my own journal. However, I decided to start on it early so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. 

One thing I noticed when I was reading through my forty day journal was that for the most part, I write about my whole day, from the start to the end. It would usually start with “I wake up…” or “My alarm rings and…” It’s also quite consistent that I have a habit of waking up early, or even sometimes at the early morning hours. Another thing I noticed was that at the start, I would usually be able to stay up late, but as the term wore on, I began to sleep early. This could mean that stress tires me easily compared to anything else. I do not usually write all the time about my discoveries on the internet, which is surprising as I have usually been told off about staying too long on the internet. This might be an implication that I am not as addicted to the internet as I thought I would be. However, I noticed that during the first half of the term, I was constantly playing a music game.

Another thing I want to note in the days that I wrote the journal is how I use up my free time. In most entries, I usually write down about how I do my best to accomplish my schoolwork in the earliest possible time. Looking back, I can presume that given the right situation, I can give my best efforts for anything I can set my mind to. This realization takes me aback somehow, as I have never believed myself to possess that trait, until I went through my journal entries. This is bad in a way, as I have used to preoccupy myself with a variety of activities like playing the guitar, watching anime series and the like. In retrospect, I guess I have to learn to loosen up a bit and enjoy life a little.

I notice that in some of my journal entries, I am very strict with myself, most especially in the financial aspect. I read my own reactions to my purchases, and no matter how important these purchases are, I still don’t particularly approve of the fact that I’m still spending money. This just means that I’m very thrifty.

In terms of my relationships, I admit that majority of my journal entries always involve my special friend. Whenever I come to school, he’s usually one of the first people I talk to. In spite of my relationship with him, I have mixed feelings about his attitude. Based on my entries, I can say that I’m have a tendency of becoming defensive when I feel that I am too attached to people I really care about.

Compared to the past few years that I’ve been living, I actually start to notice a claim that a friend of mine made once: I’ve become more girly. More than once, I’ve worn a skirt to school for no particular reason. But in spite of that, I still maintain my boyish streak, as I know that I can never be extremely feminine, most especially when it comes to fashion styles.

One of the most significant discoveries I have made from re-reading my journal entries was my psychological health. While I admit that I have been more stable compared to the previous year, the way that I look at things are almost the same. I still constantly worry about even the smallest things, and even at the things that don’t actually exist. There is still a part of me that does not believe in my own abilities, even when other people would claim that I actually have it in me. I’m still very strict with myself. One example of this would be my worries with regards to eating. In more than one instance, I have claimed that I’ve expressed a panic at the amount of food I eat. Another would also be the fact that I still believe that I’m a lone wolf, even when there are people around me who try to keep me company.

Somehow, writing the forty day journal helped me realize aspects of myself which I need to incorporate in my system to improve myself and become a better person in the future. I guess I have my professor to thank for. 

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